


Not Your Babe

by catsukii



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Dimensions, Denial of Feelings, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, It's Rick so Obviously, Not Really Canon Compliant, Not too sure yet, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Science Fiction, Swearing, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23610061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsukii/pseuds/catsukii
Summary: "Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."
Relationships: Rick Sanchez/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Not Your Babe

"So you know, love is just a chemical formula, so it's just - like, a bunch of bullshit that forces practically all species to just make more babies to make sure the race doesn't die out."

The alien before you sat on the bar chair with a drink very similar to a Pina colada. They didn't say anything and neither did you as you stared before their eyes moved from you and then to the knife on the counter of the bartender. When the alien noted that the bartender was getting drinks for two other men, they grabbed the knife and placed it on their neck without hesitation.

You couldn't help rolling your eyes when they went ahead and forced the sharp edge of the butter knife to cut their skin and blood was being poured along the bench top. A look of disgust crossed your face and the being stayed dead while more pink blood was leaking from their neck, "Okay, a little dramatic but I got the idea - you don't have to be a dick about it."

The alien came back, their neck fully healed and the cut disappeared as if nothing happened and the bartender grabbed a napkin to clean it up, "I'm going to leave now.."

"Ye-, oh, you're still here? Asshole."

The alien gave you an angered look as they left the bar of the intergalactic resort and you huffed to yourself, turning your body to face the counter as the men that had been seated beside the alien who had just left remained quiet, "Oh, my apologies, did my breath-wasting rant bother you? Or perhaps you sadistic bottles of testosterone enjoyed it - maybe you'll see this as an opportunity to deduce that I may be a vulnerable girl gushing about her emotions and figure out a savvy plan to ravage me."

The male closest to you, had brown hair and a green shirt on, he wore light blue pants and black shoes too. You analysed him from head to toe while tapping the bench before you as the bartender readied another drink for you, "Ew, you came here to get away from your children or something?" His facial expression showed a mix of fright and that he was severely freaked out, "You came from some sort of perfectly average dimension with other averages like yourself, you Marty Stu? Jeez."

You looked to the other male; lanky and skinny with slightly tanned skin as he watched you with a tiny smirk, he had grey-blue hair, spiked up with a monobrow too, slight bags under his eyes and he wore a white lab coat with a blue-green shirt underneath, brown pants on his legs.

He kept looking at you though, ignoring the male before him and it made you huff again as they didn't speak, you turned back to the counter to see the blood that had been wiped up as your drink was placed before you, "Real sanitary, huh? Nice way to smear that alien blood - real nice."

Lifting the drink to your lips, your tongue swirled around the straw while you sat form your seat and walked away, leaving behind the pair of males to find something better to do.

The line for the Whirly-Dirly was decreasing as you stood in the line, all sorts of aliens and tourists stood around you as you waited patiently and your heart thumped but you stopped when you heard a voice and you began listening right before you were to enter the ride, "Jerry! You fi-finally had a gr-urrrp-great idea! Yeah! Whirly Dirly!" 

You stepped on as the ride instructor guided you on, two aliens sat in the back and you eyed the one with a rifle though he kept glaring at the two men now seating themselves in the two front seats when you took the middle. The safety bars came down on your lap and you waited with excitement, a grin on your face while you leg wouldn't stop shaking from nerves.

"Listen, Jerry - I've thought I-it over and I guess you're not that bad."

"What?" The brown-haired male sounded alarmed and you leaned forward to listen as the ride moved forward suddenly.

"Yeah so-urp-sorry about what I said, alright and I guess I'm sorry about rui-ruining your marriage with my dau-daught-daughter."

"No! You've got to be kidding me!" The guy looked shaken up and he began flailing while you lifted your arms as the ride took you upwards so that it could could boost you out of a hole and into the whirly dirly roller coaster.

"We've got to stop the ride! Come on, the whirly dirly is't even that great!! Somebody stop the rid-ah!" The ride finally started and you screamed, your mouth being pulled to a grin and the force of the wind blew your hair wildly and your skin tightly against your face. Your arms moved with the quick and almost hazardous motions and the roller coaster cars jumped from one whirly to another dirly and you laughed and then you reached the top of the ride, "No, Rick, maybe we should duck down - you know, it might be bett-"

His voice was loud and emphasised as you reached the peak of the ride and the guy named Rick became physically confused when he was forced down after trying to move the other guys; Jerrys, hands away. When the whirly dirly reached the top of the ride, your head got lifted above the immortality field and then you heard a bullet being shot, you knew it was a bullet and it grazed your cheek when you yelped in pain and it met the forehead of Jerry. The brown-haired man was dead for a few seconds with the bullet lodged into his head before he awoke and his skin pushed the bullet out.

"Holy shit!"

A small amount of warmth trickled down your cheek and you felt it as Rick climbed over the seats to dive onto the two aliens in the back, landing on them to punch them, shoving one of them onto the other roller coaster car and you turned around as Jerry also yelled in fear all the times Rick almost got pushed out while you watched with a frown on your face, "My fucking face!"

Rick held the single alien up and his head got sliced clean off before growing back and he returned to fighting Rick just as he lifted the human to also have his head wiped off, "Oooh-" Without looking, you jumped from the seat as half of your head got cut off and it grew back, without a scratch felt anywhere as your hands wiped your face, "Nice."

"Rick! Over here, You can kill him out of the field at this part coming up!"

"Woah, reall-"

"Nice Jerry!" Rick held the alien into him, waiting a millisecond to reach outside of the barrier before snapping his neck and throwing him out before he passed you to get back to his seat with Jerry, "Uh - I would say I'm sorry about that but - "

"That was awesom-"

A helicopter appeared out of nowhere, two claws grabbed Rick by the shoulders but Jerry was quick to grab with legs as Rick touched something on the inside of his lab coat as he let his arms from the sleeves and sat back down while the coat was taken up and you watched the entire scene with your mouth agape as the coat beeped and then detonated to cause the helicopter to explode and it went down fast to the base of the whirly dirly. The entire ride starts shaking and you couldn't help rating your arms as Rick and Jerry held each other and you saw them, laughing aloud.

The ride spun, the immorality field shattered and you screamed, laughter spilling from your mouth and you smiled so wide it hurt your cheeks, _"Woo!"_

_"What the fu~ck!"_

An entire ring of the whirly dirly came rolling from the ride, it spun off of the resort and travelled deeper into a jungle hat surrounded the resort and you almost feared for your life when you noticed the huge side of a cliff that you were about to be slammed into, once the ride almost made contact, you jumped from where you were positioned on the opposite side of the wall and landed in the bush, rolling around until you stopped to the sound of a great boom.

The ride crumbled in on itself and you watched in awe when two bodies also flew out, still intact yet on the floor. There was blood in front of you and you cringed at the sight of the alien assassin dragging half of his body out from the wreckage as he stared at Jerry helplessly, the an watching him from the ground unharmed as Rick also stood up with ease, "We.. had a deal..."

Your eyes travelled from a suspiciously angry looking Rick and then to a guilty Jerry when he backed away from him and you couldn't help mumbling, "Uh oh spaghettios.."

"So, _Jerry,_ " He emphasised the other guys name as he stalked towards him, Jerry backed away with two hands held out in front of him in defence, "The Whirly Dirly is your favourite ride, huh?"

"We-well not anymore, ri-right..?" He let out an awkward, forced laugh and you knew you couldn't leave because then you'd have no way out of here. You didn't know where you were and had no idea how to leave the jungle so you opt to stay hidden while the two males of dominance fought over their buried-now-unburied problems.

"Uh huh, it was loads of fun, wasn't it, _Jerry?_ " Jerry stepped back into a fallen creature, it was huge and long like a snake but it could fit around three people inside it's mouth, colourful with dark pink on its body with light pink on its face and orange lips, there were yellow sensor things sticking from its face as well and the brown-haired male was now freaking out in front of you as the thing slowly brought him into its mouth while Rick watched.

Rick moved to the wreckage and grabbed things and you weren't sure why, he grabbed things out of nowhere and started creating something and you walked out to watch the thing.

"Hey! Ri-Rick, oh shit, this things got me good!"

You crouched over before Jerry and watched the thing slowly take him further into its mouth, Jerry saw you as well and his eyes widened immediately while you watched amazed, "What the fuck!? Help me, please!"

Rick heard and saw you after placing a chair from the roller coaster car on a small platform, his eyes narrowing on you though you hadn't moved, "This is pretty cool.."

"Cool?! What the he- _shit_ hell is wrong with you?!"

You huffed and Rick continued working, "Rick, god dammit help me!" The scientist didn't stop, "You- You self-righteous asshole! You stole my family!"

"I stole your family! Says the idiot who knocked up my daughter at her prom and ruined her life! You're just a predator who uses a pitiful nature as an attempt to control others and you made Beth feel sorry for you when you got her pregnant and you made her give up her life for you! She was _my_ daughter, Jerry! _She had options!"_

A chair was situated on a spring surrounded by a couple of fans and you questioned how it was even created when you watched all of Jerry disappear into the snake creature and you could hear the hollow screams as he was taken down the snakes body for digestion before Rick rolled his eyes and spun the knife in his hand to cut the side of the snake open.

Jerry poured out with a frightful frown and you stood back up, "So, take me with you? Please?"

"I'm not up for some feministic rant right now about the concept of love after dealing with this idiotic lump of a pathetic human." He had recalled that you were the same girl from before at the resort. You had narrowed your eyes on him but he continued by grabbing Jerry to place him on the chair and strap him in, "I knew you wouldn't let me die.."

"Right."

"Wa-wait, what're you doing, Rick?!" You watched, completely enamoured while Rick turned the fans on and then the smeared alien blood from Jerry was carried up in the air and the stench reached your nose though you only moved back when Rick had actually grabbed your arm to pull you back with him when a growl was heard from the bushes.

Jerry yelled, kicking his legs out pathetically when a creature of yellow and orange with two beading eyes that came off of it's head like a snail. It eyed the man and growled, stepping forward to pounce at his newly found prey. Rick pulled out a cylinder-shaped stick and blew a dart from it, piercing the skin of the creature which effectively caused it to slow down and fall unconscious only a couple of metres away from Jerry, "What was the point of that?"

You glanced at Rick and he narrowed his eyes, stepping away from you to approach the creature and hook something onto it's head while you watched, the scientist would look at you every so often and you'd catch his eyes.

After hitching a ride on the creature and hanging onto Rick while Jerry rode near it's testicles, you three made it to the entrance and exit of the resort where they had ships that would take people to their own planets. There was a metal detector type machine to walk through and Jerry walked through with no threat detected; as did you, yet, when Rick did, there were sirens and red lights flashing. 

The guards present had immediately grabbed hold of their guns just in case and the man in charge looked at the monitor as you did too, "Oh come on!"

Rick didn't understand why he was being restrained, four robotic claws held his limbs and you noted what was the problem on the screen presented.

"Wha-wh-urrrrp- 'scuse me, what's this?"

Rick couldn't help chuckle when you burped and Jerry looked at you mildly disgusted, "We've detected class c average or above cybernetic augmentations, he's going to have to be sedated while travelling." A needle appeared form the machine and punctured Rick in the neck as he cringed but stepped out once the claws released him.

"Brain hurtie.."

Giggling, you looked at his face, he appeared unintelligent and obedient and Jerry came next to him, a look of utter confusion on his face as he questioned what had happened.

"They obviously have to keep him under control while on the ship, Jerry. You know, cause of his cybernetic augmentations." Jerry and Rick looked at you, "Were you even listening?"

Walking away, you overheard Jerry, "Who the hell are you?!"

Rick only replied sloppily, "Haa~ me likey.."

On the ship, Rick was next to you, he leaned near you as Jerry revelled in the fact that he could do or say whatever he wanted to Rick. You watched it happen in content because you had to admit it was funny but then it went silent. 

It looked like Rick wanted to say something, like he was itching to get something out but you didn't comment on it, waiting for him to say what he wanted to while in this state, "Stop it.. n-no offence though."

You smiled at him, "Stop what?"

"Sto-stop looking a-at me, I don't like it.."

"Oh, you don't like this?" You leaned further into him in your seat, watching him as a small amount of saliva fell from his mouth when he tried to move away, "I can't help thinking your attractive, Rick."

"Ew, what is this?" Jerry cringed but he was ignored, "Uh, wrong 'your', it's meant to be 'you're' but I'll agree anyway." He pouted, crossing his arms as you apologised, "Right, my bad."

You continued, "Do you wanna know something?" He nodded his head slowly, "Sort of but I'll listen anyway."

"You remember when I was talking about love, how-"

"How it's just a chemical formula, a.k.a a bunch of bullshit that makes _all_ species make more babies so the race doesn't die out. Yeah, I know.. I wasn't eavesdropping, I just know cause I'm smart."

He spoke defiantly as if he didn't worry about his intelligence because he knew what he know and he didn't know what he didn't know, he continued to pout even though he was correct and even when you smiled at him knowingly when he refused to meet yours eyes when your hand moved to his face, slowly and with the only intention of wiping that saliva away from his chin and he didn't move when you did it.

"Uh huh.." 

"I want cookies." 

He looked at Jerry as he had reading through a small pamphlet, "Sweet smiggle cookies? Or the the low-calorie petroleum flakes?"

"I said cookies." Jerry couldn't help smirking as he had all the power and he spoke, triumphantly with a smug look, "I think you'll have the flakes."

"Okay. But it's not what I wanted." He looked at you again and you smiled, he didn't speak so you did, "You know love is a chemical state of mind, it's like i was saying before and there's multiple 'steps' in it."

"Go on.." 

"Scientists say they're three steps to love, driven by different hormones and chemicals but the primary goal is; as you know, to continue the existence of the species."

"I already know that.. I heard you before." 

"I know Rick.. Do you want to know something else?" He didn't notice you coming closer and then suddenly your hand was on his arm, he looked at you mildly frightened but he followed your movement when you lead his to his feet, "Lust is driven by the sex hormones; testosterone and oestrogen, it's the first step."

Jerry looked up, frightened at what had happened and almost too afraid to ask about what was going on and where you were going, "Uh- excuse me," Your hand flowed down from Ricks arm, to his hand, "Wh-where are you going with my father-in-law?"

You only grinned and opened your mouth shortly after, "Don't worry, I'm sure pleasure will cancel out the synaptic dampener."

**Author's Note:**

> episodes in the chapters won't go with the show so it'll be random, maybe - honestly not too sure lol
> 
> season 3, episode 5


End file.
